I have noticed that lately many people are viewing unschoolers as unparenters. I understand that there are parents who do not parent in the traditional sense and instead believe that their children, if given the freedom will do the right thing. I have met several families who hold this view. I cannot say that I agree with it. I have seen older children physically harm younger children while their parents watch. I have seen children harass other children while their parents watch. I have had to intervene to keep my child safe. There are certain families that I make it a point to avoid. There are classes my son enjoys and would love to take that I will not sign him up for. Why? Because there are times I need to use the restroom and I do not feel my son is safe even for just a few moments. It is a sad thing, but I cannot allow my son to be bullied because another parent believes that intervening when there child is being cruel is wrong.
If unparenting is a vital part of unschooling then we are not unschoolers. I tell my son “no”, he has boundaries and limitations. When it comes right down to it he knows the boundaries and they are fair and he generally respects them. Like all children, when he is tired or not feeling well he has trouble with those boundaries. There are some days when he needs help settling down because he is unable to do so. Usually at this point he is unable to self regulate and that is when it is my job to step up and help him.
With all that said, I do not believe I need to be rude to my child until he learns his boundaries. I do not believe I need spank him for him to learn boundaries. I do not believe in setting him up to fail so that he may learn the boundaries. I do believe that it is my job to prepare him for new situations. If there is a situation that he can not be fully prepared for or that is to overwhelming I keep him near me and I am watchful so that I can guide him as the need arises and before things get out of control.
There is a not so fine line between respectful parenting and abuse. Yes, I called it abuse. It is abuse to allow a child to go through life thinking it is ok to harm another person. It is a great disservice to the child who goes through life thinking that nothing they do has any consequences. It is our job as parents to parent. It is a big job to raise a child but it is one that all parents signed up for.
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